Hrishikesh's Journal

I rarely have a feeling where I hate my friends. But sometimes, I just cannot help how bored things get with them. Just returning back from a trip to Goa, and I have so far 

I do not want you to always be rational, I know that is not possible. Allow your fears and inhibitions dictate how you react. Be angry, be sad, be happy and be disappointed. Be all that you can naturally be driven to. Shout and scream. I only wish I am the one who gets to be next to you when you do this or rather the receiver of love that is untainted by human logic and social rationale.  I want to grow to be able to take all of these whims and frenzies. And still look into your eyes with lots of love and a feeling of understanding. I grow strong to take these without questions and without any judgement, for you are nothing more than a human, same like I am. Dont ever want to feel the need for justification of how I might have felt. I understand that sometimes, it is easier for me to be sensible that my partner who is feeling uncontrolled surge of emotions.  When reason evades you, I know, more than any wisdom in the world, you would need and crave for my love. And I will...

Along with Anisha, I went to a small program to join hands with Robinhood Army. These folks collect food and other essential living resources from one place and distribute it to where it is needed most. It is seemingly very noble cause, where the poor people get to support their needs with these folks providing them access to these freebies. On the other hand, this attempt shows our lack of respect, understanding and laziness to grasp the extent of this social problem called poverty. Redistributing wealth to a minimal level does not really make a dent in how this world works. Gratification is the main motivation here, or so it seems. This explains the abundance the consumer focused world has and the sheer willingness to part of with it, says how it is actually valued.  Same brains have never committed to the cause of eliminating poverty. 

Making this journal entry when Anirudh is appearing for his another exam today, Mansi is appearing for her DAT for NID and Anna is hosting his annual mela. Aishwarya is working on her resume as well. Anisha is taking up social activities. How good it feels to be standing on the periphery and supporting all their attempts from time and again.  Somewhere back of my mind, I know I have played a small or big role in influencing their decisions and choices, but the best feeling is when you know they are choosing for themselves things that they think they value. It was easier for me to get Anirudh hooked up onto his next gig or to get resume for Aishwarya, but I wanted them to start deciding for themselves. I love how they have come to make that call. While discipline is not only my thing, I know for certain that somewhere they have felt inspired by the bigger dreams I have for them.  Could I have ever believed that each one of them was having salad for lunch yesterday? Haha, i...

Today, this is a short entry.  On the day 1 of new year, I watched 3 movies back to back. And on day 2, played video games for 3 hours. I am still battling the urge to play that more.  It has become almost difficult to resist the temptation of going to explore what games have to offer. Same with online entertainment as well. There is this compulsive drive and I thoroughly enjoy whatever the brain-hormones these games are meant to secrete. I hardly can battle those. I was always week for temptations, but this is another kind of experience altogether. Not sure how I can fight these and win, for it feels like addiction.  I am loosing focus and patience to do anything that requires sitting down on the same place for longer time.